I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
