no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
