The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
