HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
