just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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