it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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