i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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