Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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