Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
