cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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