then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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