woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
