All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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