it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
