You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
