I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
