just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
