yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
