so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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