I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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