Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
sarcasm needs its own font
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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