It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
