i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
