Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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