my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
