is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
