the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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