I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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