My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
ttyl tear gas
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
