So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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