Define "chronic" masturbator.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
