just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
