I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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