Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
