you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
