I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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