I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
