We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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