Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
