I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
