Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
