Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize