he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
