Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
