I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Someone shattered a urinal.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
