I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
