i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
