I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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