You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
