Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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