i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
